Examples
by ColorfulAlgebra
Summary: Cloud Strife has rules for dating his daughter… Poor boys. Now, to give examples of the rules in effect… Oneshot. Sequal like thing to Cloud Strife’s Rules for Dating His Daughter


AlwaysChanging: Okay, I loved this idea, and thought it would be funny. Sorry guys.

Title: Examples Of Cloud Strife's Rules To Dating His Daughter

Author: AlwaysChanging

Pairings: None.

Warnings: Humor and Cloud-insaneness.

Disclaimer: As much as I would love to lay claim to Kingdom Hearts, I don't have the papers. And I'm kinda scared of working with devils. (lawyers) So I don't own anything.

Note: This is a one-shot for fun. And I give credit to a gaiaonline guild for giving me the idea from a joke. I don't know who actually made this up.

Summary: Cloud Strife has rules for dating his daughter… Poor boys. Now, to give examples of the rules in effect… One-shot.

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**Examples Of Cloud Strife's Rules for Dating His Daughter**

Rule One:  
If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.

Explanation: A boy of eighteen pulled into the Strife family driveway. He honked his car horn and a spiky haired blonde came to the front door and opened it. He took one look, glared, and leaned against the doorway.

Star Strife, inside with her friend Hikari Tomodachi, smirked and waited for her father to be through with the boy. Twelve minutes later, the boy sighed and got out of his car to go to the front door. Cloud stood his ground, leaning against the frame.

The eighteen year old came to a stop in front of the short man and asked in a bored tone, "Star ready—"

Cloud had stopped him.

"If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up."

The door promptly slammed in the boy's face.

Rule Two:  
You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.

It was another date from the pretty Star Strife. Baby blue eyes twinkled and she waited for her father to explain the dating rules. Cloud Strife glided into the room. The process began.

"Hi, Mister Strife," the boy said politely. It was a little annoyed, for he had to tear his eyes—and hands—from the beautiful Star.

Cloud glared. "You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them."

The boy moved to the door, terrified. He ran out and down the street, screaming.

Cloud smirked.

Star sweat-dropped.

Rule Three:  
I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose his compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.

A boy with extremely baggy pants came to the Strife family door. They were falling off his hips as he walked to the front door, bunching them up by holding them up with his hand.

Cloud answered.

Not saying anything, he walked to the living room, where Star was smiling. She winced as she saw her date. Dad…

"Ready?" the boy asked.

"Of course," she answered, throwing glances at her father. "I'm ready."

Cloud stopped the boy though. "I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose my compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist."

Finishing, the small male held up a electric nail gun as he smiled brightly and sadistically.

The boy back down and ran, forgetting to hold up his pants. As he ran down the street, his bright red boxers stood out in the night.

Cloud smiled at his daughter.

Rule Four:  
I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.

A boy came to the Strife's door in nice, neat clothes. A condom was accidentally hanging somewhat out of his pocket. Cloud didn't even let this one inside.

"Hi—"

"I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you."

The boy ran.

Rule Five:  
It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is "early."

A boy came to the door and Cloud escorted him to the living room.

"Star's getting ready," he said. "She won't be long at all."

The boy nodded and smiled brightly. "So… Do you like the Lakers team?"

The blonde man stood silent for a minute before starting. "It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is 'early.'"

The boy nodded like a loyal puppy. Cloud smiled, happy.

Star came down to find the scene, and asked directly and promptly. "What happened?"

"Nothing," her date replied. "Don't worry, Mr. Strife, dinner will be short, and nice. Star will be home early."

Star stared at the boy, impressed. Cloud's blue eyes widened and he escorted them to the door.

This boy got to go out on a date with Star.

He is now a legend at school.

Rule Six:  
I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.

A teen came up to the house, looking about eighteen. Cloud came to the door when the bell wrung.

"Yo," the teen said, and shifted his weight, his pants' chains jingling. "What's up?"

Cloud stared. "Rule three," he muttered. "Come in."

The boy didn't do anything but say some things in a black Razor cell phone. "Yo, baby, baby, stop. I'm just goin' out wit Sta tonight. Shut it. We're goin' at tamorrow."

Cloud stood silent then, in a mean and evil voice, said:

"I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry."

The teen looked shocked, and then ran away, willing his legs to go faster.

Star watched from her window. Poor boy.

Rule Seven:  
As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?

Cloud sighed. No one did this because Star only took a max of five minutes to put on her make-up. And that was if she wore any in the first place.

He was waiting to use it, though.

Rule Eight:  
The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within eyesight. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka - zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which feature chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folk homes are better.

Star thought about her dating life. And about the places she went with her dates. This was an accurate description, she decided as she turned in her school paper.

Rule Nine:  
Do not lie to me. On issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.

Riku—or Junior—decided to give Star a shot. Though he liked Hikari much more, he and Strife were bored and needed something to do. They just slapped "date" on to the fact they were hanging out at the mall.

But when Junior came up to the Strife household, he instantly knew Cloud knew his rep of lying. And the fact he sneaked his way out of tight spots by talking his way out. How did he know that Cloud knew? Simple. Cloud answered the door with this.

"Do not lie to me. On issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me."

Junior nodded at this, his silver hair swaying slightly with the action. His aqua eyes looked toward Star, who shrugged, and left with him.

Never again did he add "date" to their hanging out.

Rule Ten:  
Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a drive-by or a sugar-high Yuffie. When my SOLDIER senses start acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit your car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, and then return to your car - there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.

This happened, and was explained, to all boys. No need to go over it. They all freaked, ran down the road, and avoided Star the next few months. Nothing special.

So, with all these dating rules, what does Star Strife do? Simple. She goes steady with the hottest, coolest, nicest to parents, trustworthy, silent, calculating, strongest, and steadiest guy in school.

Cullen Leonhart.

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AC: Review please.

Star: Cullen… Is hot!

Cloud: plays with fingers So is his father…

AC: sweatdrops Yeah...


End file.
